I'm Trying...

I'm trying not to think about it.

I'm trying not to remember the message. Trying not to have it play over and over again in my mind...

I want to pretend that yes, I made a mistake. I misunderstood. I'm just being silly, and paranoid and over reacting. It's just the hormones...It's making me think crazy thoughts. I really wanna believe, yes, that message was meant for me.... EVEN THOUGH IN MY HEART, ALL THE EVIDENCE JUST POINTS TO WHO'S GUILTY!!

I hate this!!! I really don't need this right now! It kills me that I'm passing all these bad, negative thoughts to the baby. And with my exams coming up too! I wasted a whole day yesterday, when I could've revised a whole bunch, just being generally depressed and teary...

What a waste...so, yes, in the interest of self preservation, I'm just gonna pretend or at least put that thing at the back of my mind... I can't fall apart right now... I have to get through this, at least until after the exams, after that I'd be free to bawl my eyes out, if I still feel like it. But the way things are going, I really tear up easily these days... damn hormones!! Please God, give me strength and prove me wrong... because yes, I really do love him, and I really miss you...



So, saw the doctor on Monday. My haemoglobin has dropped down to about 9, so am abit worried about that. Doc had to up my iron tablet prescription. But other than that, everything else is under control. Another blood test at the end of the month. I hope my kidney holds up through this...